NUNC PRO TUNC

So I came across this very very old article again in Philippine Daily Inquirer's YoungBlood. It was about an incoming fourth year medical student who suddenly decided to quit medical school despite everything she has sacrificed in her pursuit of becoming a doctor. A lot of her colleagues were very much disappointed about her, telling her that her three-year struggle in med-school would have been put to waste. They said that their goal of becoming a doctor is almost becoming a reality. The writer in simplistic terms said that "it is not about the goal but it's about being happy." The writer is now a pre-school teacher.

I somehow was taken aback by the article. I'm almost finished with the career I am pursuing right now. But at the same time I am physically struggling towards achieving the goal I've put myself into, there is likewise a struggle going on at the back of my mind. A struggle in embracing the career path I am pursuing.

Without bragging, I do excel in most of my subjects, but as I see it, it's mostly triggered by my constant desire for challenge and gratitude to my parents who are supporting the school fees. Plus the fact that I am not a quitter.

Despite all these, I am torn between continuing this almost-finished goal and a career which would certainly make me happy. I know a lot of opportunities would be available for me in the near future if I finish this career path I am pursuing right now, and my parents would definitely be happy seeing me graduating. But, for me it's not enough. Nothing's enough for me than seeing myself free from doing what I really want to do.

Yes, I am lucky I get to go to school compared to others who even work for their school fees. But maybe it's just the way this life has to be. Nothing's fair, nothing's going to be as perfect as what you want it to be. You may get every material thing in this world, but gets only a small share in happiness. People really are born in this world to work for a balance of these two. And obviously, I'm not good at it.